


tuning in.

by enesnl



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, angsty, nonlinear, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:06:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26024677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enesnl/pseuds/enesnl
Summary: sana and momo. sort of talking about it but not really.
Relationships: Hirai Momo/Minatozaki Sana, sanayeon and mochaeng are here too.., side jeongmi - Relationship
Comments: 5
Kudos: 82





	tuning in.

**Author's Note:**

> [listen](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=twxMWfzE_l0)

momo throws an arm over her eyes. then a blanket over her head for good measure. it's stifling under here. good.

"would things have changed?" she asks, muffled by the cotton.

"why are you under there?" sana's somewhere outside. not inside her safe cocoon so she pays no mind to it.

"so i can be honest." 

"aren't we usually honest with each other?"

"...not always." sana knows what she means.

"things are always changing, momo." and she says it in the way that sounds patronizing, but only to momo. things tend to sound that way when a name is tacked onto the end. "we can't really help that, just as much as we can't help that autumn turns to winter."

momo snorts. "did you get that from hello counselor or something."

"i don't think i like honest you."

momo throws the blanket back over her head. it lands crumpled on her legs. it was too hot under there anyway.

"yeah, neither do i."

/ 

they had a bottle of wine to share. maybe a few. it was momo's celebratory dinner for winning that dance scholarship she'd been gunning for. the restaurant was a tad overcrowded, and sana had already had a mishap with one of her heels that led to an unsightly stain on hana's dress but, well, momo loved them. she wouldn't want to spend it with anyone else. 

hana was only going to be in town for a few days; mandatory visit to the homestead before going back to her husband overseas. okaa-san had been pestering for months and video calls just weren't the same. hana bidded them good night at the end of it. called it in a little early because okaa-san would have a fit if they missed the first mackerel pillage at tsukiji market on account of her daughter's hangover. 'fish don't wait for anyone!'

sana and momo were left to meander through the town and walk off their dinner, after momo had made sure to schedule a ride for hana. they stopped at a bridge junction overlooking a local river. the only other people around were a couple swigging some beers under the shallow arch. momo could hear their laughs and the crush of aluminum. 

then the breeze picked up. they pressed themselves into each other and knotted their arms. red-faced and free of inhibitions.

sana sighed; one of those content, breathless ones. like the night would never end and the stars would always shine. momo could see the palpable cloud.

"i feel like i should say something," sana started, "but i don't really know what."

momo nodded against her, hairs tickling the skin of sana's cheek. "me too."

"there are a lot of things i want to tell you," sana said. she brushed circles onto momo's hand.

"i liked you, you know." it just came out. calmer than momo had intended too, which probably pissed sana off even more, she realized later.

then a sharp, quiet _fuck you_ sounded from beside her. momo didn't have a chance to blink before she was left with the brisk wind and the remains of sana's back as she stomped away in her heels. they made a shrill but hard sound, dampened by the concrete. 

maybe she was a little dumbfounded, but - maybe she was waiting for this, too.

momo was set to fly out to korea that next week. already half-packed. she was going to ask sana to come with her, to be someone she could home to. 

she'd always been foolish.

/

three weeks into the move, sana was at her doorstep, shouldering her way inside with two large suitcases in tow. "i'm sleeping on the side by the wall," she grumbled.

/ 

the night was winding down. momo had a few too many; she probably shouldn't have joined jeongyeon's impromptu teeter-totter of mixing spirits but - it was a party. parties were for celebrating. at least that was what she told herself. she would regret it in the morning.

"woah there," someone said from beside her, leveling a hand on her waist. momo turned to find that it was mina. she exhaled in relief. she didn't normally like being touched but mina felt comforting and her hands felt like they were tethering momo to the ground. where the skin was soft and the world wasn't spinning. "you okay?"

"yeahh," momo slurred. chuckled. "thanks."

mina smiled at her. mina was so pretty. "you're welcome." chaste too. momo always liked that about her.

sana was giggling from the balcony. it was music to her ears. momo turned to look at her. sana was so pretty. beautiful. gorgeous. wonderful. amazing. smart. she waved at momo then, and smiled. dazzling.

her best friend. momo felt her eyes prickle.

"momo," mina said. momo was only vaguely paying attention. "momo-chan."

"huh?"

"you should tell her."

momo met mina's eyes. they were kind, mostly. maybe too keen around the corners. "huh?"

mina gave her a look that said _don't play dumb_.

momo sighed. "i can't."

"mm," mina said. maybe it was a little annoying.

"i like how it is right now. how we are. i'm - living in the moment." momo popped open another beer. sobriety was overrated.

/

nights like these always ended the same - two people, taking turns to hold each other's hair back in the hours of 2am to 3am.

"remind me again to never listen to a word jeongyeon says," momo groaned.

sana laughed with her entire upper body, huddled over the toilet. "it was fun though, wasn't it?"

"yeah," momo admitted.

sana sighed. "i need to recharge my electric toothbrush."

momo peeked at the silhouettes in the frosted glass doors of their cabinet. "there are spares in the cabinet."

"those aren't electric."

"when did you get so bougie?" momo began to clean her makeup off with a wet wipe messily. sana grabbed hold of it a few seconds later.

"they make my teeth feel really clean!"

"then are mine terrible?" sana finished the last few strokes across momo's jaw.

"no, yours are perfect."

they're definitely not, but sana sounded sincere enough to cause a dust of pink on momo's cheeks. luckily shielded in the already-present flaming vermillion from the booze.

sana ended up waiting in the bathroom for ten minutes. long enough to get a short charge. momo was already in bed when she came in.

"did you see jeongyeon doing the sprinkler in the living room?"

momo laughed. "yeah, that was funny."

"i think she was doing it to impress mina."

"what, do you have a crush on her? you always talk about her." momo didn't know where that came from.

"no, silly," sana giggled. "what if i have a crush on you?"

momo froze. stayed silent and closed her eyes. a few minutes later she heard sana turn off the light. felt sana's gentle fingers brush her bangs back. then soft lips onto her heated forehead.

"good night, momo."

thank god it was dark.

/ 

they don't talk about it again. not for a while.

sana's moved on. momo's - dated. nothing serious, just enough to get her by. people that'd hit on her at a bar and that she strung along for a few makeouts until they realized that was all they were going to get. momo's saving herself, for whatever reason. it's kind of annoying. because she'd feel better. oxytocin and all that.

sana's out with nayeon again. nayeon is nice. momo's met her a few times. when she comes home from work and they're all giggly and kissing sweetly at the door. like they don't want to part. momo just says her salutations and goes inside. fixes herself a cup of tea or cracks open a beer to quiet the remaining buzz of the day.

they seem to be getting serious. there are more and more nights where momo's received a _staying with nayeon for the night. don't wait up._ sometimes just the latter part. momo is happy for her.

"why doesn't nayeon ever sleep over here?" she asks one night, pouring hot water onto tea leaves. the steam is comforting. "it's not like we- you have your own bedroom now."

sana pauses her channel switching. it lands on a commercial for some generic cleaning sponge.

("cable is outdated," momo stated. she was right.

"yeah, but i think not knowing where you're going to land is fun," sana said, then pulled her toward the pastel-colored plates and cups with braided handles. "these would look so cute in our kitchen!")

"i- we- don't want to disturb you," sana says. goes back to flipping channels.

"you wouldn't disturb me." momo puts the kettle away. stalks to the living room with careful fingers and places it on the coffee table. she’d forgotten a coaster. "i like nayeon."

sana tenses when the seat next to her dips. suddenly the couch feels cramped. "i think i'm going to stop seeing her."

momo’s blowing into the cup in an effort to cool it, creating ripples. “why?”

“just not into it anymore..” sana settles her feet down onto the coffee table. momo swats at her legs. she’s still wearing her slippers. “when will you start dating for real?”

“why do i have to?” the tea burns her throat.

“i want - your life to be fulfilled.” momo can’t tell if it sounds casual. the drama of the week is playing on the tv.

“what makes you think it’s not?”

sana fixes her with a look. her eyes are glossy, and red around the corners. she doesn't say anything for a long time. at some point momo stops waiting for a reply.

“do you want to watch a movie?” momo asks, finally.

“yeah.”

it’s lilo & stitch. they’re both crying by the end of it, momo in sana’s arms.

/ 

nayeon starts staying over. sometimes she and momo have breakfast together while sana takes her morning shower. nayeon prepares the toast while she fries the eggs. momo and sana like them over-easy. nayeon prefers them scrambled.

momo asks nayeon how her new job is, if she’s adapting well. nayeon asks momo how the girl she’s been mentoring in dance is doing. 

is she getting better? does she feel like things are easier now? 

/ 

in the summer, momo meets chaeyoung at a cultural dance festival. chaeyoung is beautiful, and interesting, and the only person other than sana to - want to get to know momo. to understand her, want her. without cheap liquor and with abandon. 

they go on dates at the local river often. chaeyoung leads her off the beaten path, to a secluded spot she’d found in her ventures. it’s a bit of a struggle to get there; momo had gotten blisters the first time.

they hold hands by the fingertips and bruise their feet walking along the rocks that border the water. it's here where momo receives her first proper confession. first proper kiss. 

chaeyoung tastes like strawberries. her lips are soft and her thumbs gentle as they press behind the shell of momo's ears.

it's warm. exciting. safe.

(chaeyoung pointed into the distance, at the other side of the river. “look. that tree is shaped like antlers.”

momo tilted her head. it was. “aren’t most trees shaped like that?”

“well. yes.” then chaeyoung led to her some berry bushes by a large boulder. she wasn’t sure what type they were but apparently she’d taken a chance once and "they’re delicious," she said.

they were rinsing their hands of fruit stains in the water by the time the sun was setting.)

/ 

double dates become their new normal, inhabiting their friday nights like a well-oiled machine.

"the chicken's good," nayeon comments. "we should come here more often."

momo nods a bit stupidly as she shoves another forkful down. chaeyoung's been into groupon lately, but the food here is so good that it's worth full price.

chaeyoung is caressing the skin of her thigh and whispering sweet nothings in momo's ear between bites. she'd stayed over the night before, for the first time.

there's a loud scrape of chair legs against linoleum then. swift footsteps. momo doesn't have time to react before sana rounds the bend. furrowed brows and pursed lips as she exits the restaurant without a word.

nayeon follows her. momo doesn't. 

/ 

momo doesn't feel the bed dip. doesn't feel the warm arms that circle her waist and settle on her abdomen either. the gesture's been carved through the years, forming a mold as natural as her own body.

but then sana's mumbling into her t-shirt, breathing into the fabric. momo exhales hotly. melts into her.

"i'm sorry for running off." sana brushes her thumbs lightly.

"why did you?" momo whispers. though she kind of knows already.

sana sighs against her back. then groans. and then finally laughs. "i was jealous."

momo nods into her pillow. there's a stretch of silence before she responds. "i love you more than anyone else in this world."

"i know."

momo's throat turns parched as the air thickens. it smells of musk.

then the automated fan begins to whir. and there's the rattling from momo's phone as it lights up and buzzes against the bedside table.

chaeyoung's just finished her late shift.

momo sighs. "you deserve someone brave."

"i wish.. " sana begins to say. but seems to forego it, or maybe just doesn't know what to say.

momo holds her breath. fixates on the particle of dust on her pillow because she needs that. to sound hollow. to be cruel. "i love her."

a beat. it's deafening. "she's. a girl," sana says. and the way she says it is so cold, and - _what?_ sana huffs onto her neck. "i- i don't get you sometimes. it's infuriating."

"i don't understand."

"i just - i need to know."

they've always shared bedtime secrets, at later times than this, but this is the first time that sana hasn't tip-toed around it, the first time- " _please_ , momo. don't make me more pathetic than i'm already being."

"sana.. " momo crumbles. "i'm sorry."

"for what?"

momo sighs. "i love you more than anyone else in this world," she says, again. "you're the most important person to me."

silence. momo wasn't expecting what happened next.

sana's palm is rubbing circles, pressing heat into momo and descending, with purpose. because cruelty is best served on fair grounds. even as momo begins to feel a salty wetness pooling into the back of her shirt and streaking down the side of her neck.

momo exhales a shaky breath. then sana's trailing her teeth along momo's neck and pinching with her nails.

"s-sana," she manages, crawling into herself. trying to escape. "what are you- "

sana bites down harder, then soothes the mark with her tongue. "let me have this."

momo grabs hold of sana's devilish hands, intending to stop their travel. but finds that she - can't. she whimpers, into the night. quiet, then louder. smushing her face against the pillow. muffled groans absorbed by the fabric. so she twists into the sheets. _okay, sana. okay._ self-control is based on luck, she thinks. and hers has run out.

by morning the sunlight is passing through the blinds in stripes. criss-crossing the pattern of momo's pajama pants, the drawstrings of them slack.

/ 

momo is cutting tofu into cubes. the knife is a little dull so they’re misshapen, but uniform enough.

“do you think the cabbage is thawed out by now?” sana reaches over her for the colander in the sink. squints as she assesses the stone-cold leaves laying rigid inside it. “leave a block whole for jeongyeon,” she gestures to the tofu. “she likes it like that.”

“i was going to.” momo is quiet.

“why did we buy a frozen packet?” sana’s eyeing the array of semi-thawed vegetables dripping onto a towel-lined tray. she squeezes the head of a mushroom.

“because nayeon doesn’t like hot pot and we weren’t sure if we would ever use it.”

“she doesn’t?”

“she says it makes her face bloat.” momo sets the knife down. “you should know that.”

sana clears her throat. takes the slices of beef out from inside the refrigerator and halves them. “sorry,” she says, after a while.

the bell rings. jeongyeon and mina are early.

“this is good,” mina says. takes another sip of the broth.

“yeah, i’m surprised,” jeongyeon adds. earns herself a light jab in the stomach. momo feels her hands itch under the table. “where are nayeon and chaeyoung, by the way?”

“nayeon’s hanging out with her mom,” sana says. rushed and practiced like she’s patting herself on the back for remembering.

“chaeyoung’s with her brother.” momo spoons another ladle-full of soup into her bowl.

“that’s too bad,” jeongyeon says. “i kinda figured that they’d be here, i was looking forward to meeting them.”

“isn’t it nice with just us, though?” sana’s eyes sparkle through her glasses, its lens partially fogged by the steam. “like old times.”

momo wants to reach over and wipe them clean for her, and she does. “you should’ve worn your contacts.”

“they were making me uncomfortable." sana peels a shrimp for momo and tosses its head back into the pot. "it's essential for the flavor," she always says.

by the time momo rights herself, mina is staring at her with an unreadable expression. then clearer, as words that momo has been evading for years takes shape.

"are you still living in the moment, momo-chan?" mina asks in japanese, gently.

she's peering at momo. into her. gently prodding and peeling away the layers of truth in her skin and leaving her naked. maybe a second passes, maybe a few, and then there's an engagement ring waving in front of her face, jeongyeon in its rearview, and momo - momo thinks about the moment right now, and the moments to come.

she turns toward sana. jeongyeon is showing off the silver band on her ring finger - simple with an elegant braided trim. sana is regarding it with sparkles in her eyes; she doesn't seem to notice momo's dismay and if she's feeling any kind of distress of her own, she isn't giving it away. she's always been good at that. momo is envious.

"momo?" someone says.

momo looks up. "huh?"

"are you okay?" jeongyeon. "you look kind of dazed."

"yeah, yeah, sorry," momo clears her throat. "i just- i knew you two would make it," she tries.

it works. mostly. jeongyeon goes back to her animated retelling of the proposal and momo's too afraid to look anywhere else.

jeongyeon and mina eventually leave.

mina makes sure to give her a pointed look that makes momo want to curl up into herself. jeongyeon's hug, at least, is tight and comforting.

two seconds after the door is closed, momo's back is to the wall and sana's hands are skating underneath her shirt.

five minutes after that, momo is zipping up her jeans and wiping her lips on the back of her hand.

they don't talk about it, ever again.

momo has shackled herself in. tomorrow she'll go to the jewelry store and pick something up for chaeyoung - maybe a nice necklace, or a promise ring. materials fade anyway. and when they do, when she's aged and withered and her limbs have fallen limp - well. that'll be a day.

/

momo closed her history book and sighed. five classes done, two to go.

"i like your bag," sounded from her left.

momo turned her head to face this really pretty - no, beautiful stranger. girl. then casted a glance to her book bag. a plain navy one, with worn out straps. momo thought about raising an eyebrow because this girl was being ridiculous. but she was gripping the edges of her own book tightly against her chest. hiding behind it. 

guess momo wasn't the only one who seemed anxious to make friends on the first day. but why her? momo would never figure it out.

"thanks," she said. "i like your satchel." momo pointed to it. it was an old coach model. probably her mother's. "it's nice." her voice came out clearer than she thought it would.

"thank you!" the girl said, then stretched her hand out with a smile that lived in her eyes. her skin was warm, momo noticed. maybe a little clammy. but hers probably were too. "my name's sana."

"momo." her smile was tight-lipped and sort of unnatural. but nothing short of genuine. discomfort seemed to melt away in sana's presence.

sana's book was now settled into a lax rest on her forearm. her fingers stopped fiddling, and her nails were a light pink with unneven french tips. momo was noticing too much. 

but then the bell rang and sana was reaching into her satchel with haste and momo didn't have to think about it anymore.

sana took out a small memo pad. ripped off a piece of paper, leaving the holes along the spine frayed and scribbled something across it. her pen was purple and had a cotton ball dangling off its crown.

"here's my number," sana said. momo didn't have a chance to react before she found herself in sana's clutches. it lasted just a second but momo could still feel the tingle of sana's fingers. pressing into the square of her back. momo blinked. sana was flinging her one last smile and wave as she rounded the corner.

momo chuckled to herself and grabbed her belongings. traipsed down the corridor to her next class, sneakers padding softly against the pavement.

then it struck her without warning. a daydream. one of those frivolous ones. the kind that only came right after the initial meeting.

momo imagined a life together with sana. from the first shy tangle of hands to the first _daisuki_ to the intimate backyard wedding to the 50th anniversary with an ageless love. a happily ever after. 

one of those daydreams, a silly fantasy, that you just tucked away forever.

pocketed in a private safe. the key buried six feet under.

**Author's Note:**

> cc/twtr @enesnl


End file.
